Saturday, February 24, 2007

The Anti-spam Vigilante Metaphor

Imagine we're neighbors; I'm the volunteer neighborhood watch dweeb; you're the neighborhood party girl and you often tend to leave your front door unlocked. I have deep convictions about unlocked doors that compel me to mention them to you.  Your unlocked door has yet to cause you any problems, you just wish I'd mind my own damn business and leave you the hell alone.

But that's not good enough for me, I've seen your type before, I'm totally cheesed-off by your disregard for my infallible advice, because I'm correct and justified and there is no other valid point of view. I must bring you into the fold with the rest of my sheep, somehow. You've threatened to call the cops next time I knock on your door.

So I decide to make my own official list of careless leavers of unlocked doors; I walk the entire square block and the ones around it, going up to each door to give its knob a twist. Each one I find open, I write down the address. When I get to your door it opens right up, you see me and come unglued; I make a special note next to your address, "young single female, frequent parties."

I take my list downtown, make a few hundred copies so anyone that wants it can just tear one off, and I tack them up on a public bulletin board in front of the police station. That way others like me, who believe a locked door is a good door, will know you're not one of us.

Of course the list will also be noticed by thieves, rapists and other assorted scum bags, but that's not a problem to me, they'd have found you sooner or later, I rationalize. Whatever happens to you, you bring on yourself.

Soon after you're missing any number of things, your TV, stereo and computer have been stolen, and you've had frightening encounters with unwanted guests of the psychopathic kind. Mere door locks will no longer do, you have to get bars on the windows, an alarm system, and a can of pepper spray.

You demand that I take your address off of my list, as it no longer applies. I force you to ask nicely, say pretty please, and then maybe the next time I print my list, or maybe even the time after that, I take you off -- which of course does nothing to stem the steady flow of low-lifes your presence has recently attracted...

Now do you see what your carelessness has done to our neighborhood, bitch?!

The IT Security Researchers Metaphor

Imagine that I am an expert on the subject of an imaginery species of elephant, and all aspects of their behavior. Having studied them at length, I've discovered that almost any given specimen of this imaginery species will go berserk if it gets a jalapeno in its trunk.

It has come to my attention that the local zoo is selling jalapenos to tourists, and from a stand right by the imaginery spiecies of elephant enclosure, no less. I go to the zoo keepers with my findings, but they scoff at the danger, and show no inclination towards fixing this safety problem! They considered my behavioral factoids to be so obscure as to render harmless this terrible danger; of course they are wrong, I am right, it's irrefutable.

So now it's up to me, to make the public aware of this (and gain recognition for my work as well,) and ultimately compel the zoo to cease the sale of jalapenos. So I go to the zoo, I purchase some jalapenos from the stand, I find some empty peanut shells, and stuff them with jalapenos, as proof of concept. But what to do with them, that wouldn't be culpable?

I happen to notice a group of al Queda terrorists lustfully eyeing the females in the camel exhibit. Coincidently, I also happen to know a little about Arab terrorists, and I fully expect them to be highly interested in any discovery that will cause random harm. I walk to within earshot and procede to explain my discovery to no one in particular. I point-out the stand that sells both jalapenos and peanuts, and demonstrate the construction of a jalapeno-stuffed peanut, though I'm careful not to leave any of mine when I walk away.

In doing so I attract the terrorists' attention, and thereby virtually guarantee they will attempt to exploit my findings. When they do, I fully expect some of the elephants to come unglued, and I also expect the onlooking crowd to be in grave danger when this shortly occurs.

So I quickly move to a patch of high ground, from which to watch the drama unfold. Predictably, the terrorists start lobbing jalapeno-stuffed peanuts into the area where the elephants are feeding. More predictably, one of the elephants picks-up one with his trunk. And most predictably, that elephant flips, completely out of control, crashes out of its enclosure, and tramples dozens of people to death. Hundreds more are injured as the huge beast escapes the zoo, and thousands are delayed when sharp-shooters must kill the elephant as it's charging down the middle of I5, during rush hour traffic.

Now, it is true that I personally did not directly cause any of the mayhem - in that I did not bring the elephants or the tourists to the zoo, I did not decide to sell jalapenos at the food stands, I did not sell admission tickets to the terrorists, and most of all, I did not feed the jalapenos to the elephants. I didn't even tell the terrorists about elephants' behavior, I was merely publishing my findings for the public.

However, I knew with certainty the danger of being near a freaked-out elephant. I knew the Arabs were more than likely to jump at the chance to cause random destruction, and I knew that people would be crushed when the elephant wigged-out.

I knew the terrorists would have access to the information I published -- indeed I expected them to take notice. If not for my publication, the Arabs would never have thought to try this, and their damage for the day would've been limited to a few sordid camel molestations, at worst.

When I disclosed my findings to the public, I advised explicitly that this must not be attempted with real elephants and/or people nearby. Further, to protect myself legally, I notified the public in writing of the inherent dangers, and specifically disclaimed any/all liability for damage incurred by their actions, should anyone fail to heed my advise.

By virtue of the disclosure noted above, I perceive no responsibility for the actions of the terrorists -- even though I was well aware of their intentions. I had no reason at all to believe they'd respect my alleged concern for life and property, and every reason to believe they would use the information I provided to perpetrate an act of violence, the likes of which they would otherwise have been incapable, had I not taught it to them. Yet I still color myself blameless?

The questions:
  • If I speak the phrase "please don't kill and maim," at the beginning and end of every class, does that leave me free to teach, "Introduction to Causing Death and Mayhem 101?"
  • If I get signed statements from all recipients, affirming that "these weapons are not intended for use in the killing of other human beings," does that make it ok to distribute free guns and ammo to gang members?
  • If I have absolutely every reason to expect that my published work will be used to destroy the property of others, and no reason to believe there's even a chance it might be used ethically, for a good and useful purpose -- indeed, if my publication includes conjecture as to how soon and/or how severely my work can and will be used against us...
    • Aren't these expectations almost tantamount to intent?
      • It may not be my explicit intent that harm should be caused?
      • But is it not my effective intent, given my expectations?